When I was exclusively a stay-at-home mom I often felt like my husband was judging me when he got home. He had no way to see the myriad of things I did in a day, most of which involved just keeping a lid on the boiling chaos that comes with small children. My days were filled with cleaning, cooking, tidying, cooking some more and non-stop fulfilling of needs. Then it was rinse and repeat the very next day. I had neither the time nor the energy (or even the skill) to keep a perfect home.
How is it possible that if you were, “… cleaning, cooking, tidying, cooking some more and non-stop fulfilling of needs.” everyday that the house is a mess when he gets home? What exactly were cooking all day for small children? Are you making them Monte Cristo sandwiches for lunch everyday? Bullshit. It was PB&J and juice boxes and you know it, lady.
If you’re cleaning and tidying all day, then the house can’t be a mess unless you don’t know what cleaning and tidying means. Oh, and the “keep a perfect home” line is a big red flag. Nobody expects perfect. Clean is acceptable and what is expected. Spotless is not a rational standard when multiple (very) small children are involved. But, it’s a nice excuse to not really try at all.
My husband has this habit of inspecting the house when he gets home. After a quick hug hello, he walks through the house and points out anything out of place: lights being on in an unused room, my shoes in the wrong spot, dishes unwashed. He says he’s unable to relax after work until everything is tidy. He does the vast majority of all household chores, so it’s hard for me to complain about things like putting my shoes in the right spot, but it still feels really patronizing and controlling.
So even when he does all the cleaning, its too much to ask that you try not to mess everything up when he’s away? It’s “patronizing and controlling”? Fuck you. Go live in the shed. Hey, if the lights aren’t left on, if your shoes aren’t in the middle of the floor, if you’re not leaving out dishes for him to clean, then guess what, you’re a decent human being. and not just a slob.